I’ve been putting off writing this post for a while now. Not because I’m ashamed or embarrassed, but purely because I want to position this in the best way possible – ideally, without offending anyone.

As the title suggests, this post is all about alcohol.

Or better yet…

It’s all about our attitude towards alcohol, and especially the thoughts to those who have a lack of it, or live a sober lifestyle by choice.

Can I ask…

Why is there such a stigma of people choosing to NOT drink alcohol?

We NEVER ask people why they don’t take drugs (which is also a stimulant but yes, I know certain drugs are illegal). But why do people who don’t drink alcohol have to justify their reasons for not drinking?

It’s a question I don’t think we’ll ever get a full answer to.

If you choose not to drink alcohol, you’re instantly labelled as boring and no fun.

I’ve heard people describe non-drinkers as being untrustworthy. The exact quote I heard being: “I don’t trust people who don’t drink”.

And a better one…

When talking about a party and someone mentions that they’ll come but won’t be drinking, the response was: “If you’re not drinking then you may as well not attend”.

No words.

If you don’t drink it doesn’t make you untrustworthy, and you’re definitely not boring.

Now, as a teenager and in my early to mid-twenties I loved nothing more than going out drinking. I’d be the girl that gets a shot with every drink; would try a bit of everything (yes, mixing all sorts of drinks), and luckily, I never seemed to get a bad hangover. Well, until the mid-twenties hit – a sign of ‘getting old’, I know.

It wasn’t just the bad hangovers as I got older that put me off drinking.

It wasn’t just the annoyance of writing off the next day because you feel ROUGH, that put me off drinking.

No.

It was the impact that alcohol has on my health.

For physical health reasons I shouldn’t really drink alcohol as it worsens my symptoms, which is something I found out earlier this year (and no, it’s not pregnancy related).

But, more importantly for my mental health it’s crucial that I don’t drink, or keep drinks to an absolute minimum.

I have flashbacks from a work Christmas party where the Prosecco was flowing. You know them ones where your glass is never empty, so you have no idea how may glasses you’ve had. Or in this case, I was questioning how many bottles I had got through.

On the outside I looked like a real party girl, loving life and having a good time. Yet in reality, the alcohol was masking the pain I was in.

I’d started a new job at the lowest point in my life; I wanted to make a good impression, be upbeat and block out the misery and hurt I was going through.

The more alcohol I consumed, the more I forgot.

I thought this was the answer; this was my coping mechanism.

But I got myself into a bad state.

I was woken up by my mum in the early hours as I had collapsed when I got home and had thrown up all over myself.

How embarrassing at 26 years old being taken to bed and stripped out of my clothes by my parents, as I wasn’t capable of doing it myself.

The important thing to note here was that in all the years of drinking, I had NEVER been in this state. I always got myself home safe and was able to put myself to bed.

This just shows how much of a bad place I was in.

My parents even questioned if I was okay as they were shocked at the state I was in. It was very alarming for them to see and it was the wake up call I needed to see that I was slipping into a very dark place. And alcohol was not my friend here. It was the enemy.

The next day was worse, as the shame crept in, the darkness consumed me and the pain I had been masking was heightened in intensity.

I was on edge all day and I regretted every single sip of alcohol that had passed my lips the previous night.

Now, this is not a one off story. There have been other incidents since this time where I have been taken to a darker place after consuming alcohol, and the hangxiety has been crippling.

Numerous times I have struggled to get myself out of bed due to the grey cloud and anxiety that has consumed me. It’s as if I have zero energy and I physically can’t get myself up and out of bed.

I have cancelled plans with friends as I couldn’t bear leaving the house. My body and mind wouldn’t physically let me. And the thought of sitting around talking about life sicken me to the core.

And not forgetting… the time at a hen do, when I locked myself in the bathroom for a good while, trying to practice positive affirmations and forcing myself to smile as to not bring down the mood. I’ve never experienced as intense feeling at that time as wanting the ground to swallow me whole. The darkness was consuming me.

I just couldn’t face anyone.

All of these situations have the same link and common denominator to the reason I was feeling as depressed as I was. Yes, you guessed it…

Alcohol was and is still the reason.

As someone who suffers with depression, consuming alcohol which is a depressant is really a recipe for disaster. And in this life if we want to overcome something we need to be able to help ourselves. If you can’t help yourself then who can – it all starts with you.

Recognising this pattern gave me the confirmation I needed that alcohol is not for me anymore. It’s not helpful for my mental health and health is something that needs to take priority.

Don’t get me wrong I’m not teetotal; I have the occasional drink, but only for special occasions and they are kept at an absolute minimum. As even with minimal drinks I can feel a little dip the next day.

I’m mindful enough to know my limit and know what my body wants and needs, and I’ll act according to what is best for me at that time – regardless of what others may think.

So, next time you scoff when someone says they DON’T drink, please be kind, be ‘adult about it’ and respect their decision. You don’t know their life story or background and you certainly shouldn’t be giving your opinion on their life choices.

Be respectful and kind, always!