This time of year is always extremely difficult for me and my family.

It’s the time where we sadly lost a hugely important person in our family, which came as a massive shock.

A person who impacted my life massively with their wisdom and love.

And someone who I still miss dearly, 11 years on.

This year feels EVEN harder as it would have been a very special birthday for them.

As their special birthday arrived, it was also a reminder of all the time missed and all the precious moments I will never get to share with them.

This feeling never gets easier; it almost gets harder as I get older.

That’s the problem with grief…

It’s not something you get over.

It’s not a phase in life.

It’s something that lives with you.

It will stay with you always. You just need to learn how to deal with it, process how you feel and keep the memory of that person you hold so dearly alive in your mind, heart and soul.

At least that’s what helps me to deal with grief.

I lost a part of me when I lost this person, it almost felt like half of me was missing. The kind ear, reassuring words and the undeniable love they showed me is extremely tough to live without.

Even now, 11 years on.

When I had face to face therapy, my therapist told me that she felt a pin point for my depression starting to spiral was due to the fact I didn’t grieve properly.

What can I say? I was 20 years old at the time, in total shock and I’d never lost a family member this close to me.

Is there a right way to grieve?

And if there is, why aren’t we all educated on this?

The truth is, I believe there is NO one right way to grieve.

Everyone’s journey and experience of grief is different, meaning they require different approaches.

But the one thing I will say that helps massively is holding onto the happy memories.

You live your life with that person still being part of your journey.

Do the things they loved, still talk to them whether it’s written down, said aloud or it’s in your head – never stop remembering them and including them in your life in some capacity.

The happy memories being ignited help with our healing. We smile as we remember them; but yes, we will cry lots too – it’s all part of the process.

I’ve spoken before about learning to live without my go to and the same advice applies, your loved one still LIVES IN YOU.

They made up chapters of your life that will never be forgotten, and their spirit is always with you – you just have to nurture it.

As I process this hard day, and with their special birthday. I decided that I wouldn’t miss it, I’d celebrate it. I spent the day doing their most favourite things, I took myself to the places we went together and made many precious memories.

Our girly days out will always live with me and I’ll cherish the memories forever.

Rather than dwelling and letting the darkness of grief consume me during this difficult time, I’m going to focus on the light. Spin something sad into something that’s happier, or at least has a more positive outlook.

They say when you stop grieving it’s when you stop loving that person. So as the love I have is eternal, grief will always be a part of my life. (And I’m sure it will be the same for you too).

Wherever I go, I will always carry a part of you in my heart, until we meet again!