Learning to live without your ‘go to’

Today marks the day that I lost my go to in life nine years ago.

By ‘go to’ you know what I mean, the one person in the world that you can talk to. The one person you can pour your heart and soul to, knowing they will listen, support, and most importantly they’ll never judge.

These people mean a lot and do lot for us, and it’s not until we lose them that we see the gaping hole they leave in our hearts and souls, now they’re no longer here.

It’s tough.

It’s frightening.

And it now means that the ‘talking it out’ resides with yourself as you have no one else to go to.

At least that’s how I feel.

That’s how I felt moments after losing this incredibly important person in my life, and it’s how I feel even now – nine years on.

It’s heartbreaking, it’s soul destroying but it doesn’t mean life is over and it certainly doesn’t mean that there’s no one else in the world that you can talk to.

If you struggle opening up to people and that go to you had in life is no longer here, then please know that there IS light at the end of the tunnel.

One thing I do is channel this person; when I’m sad, down, in desperate need of someone to talk to and to listen I channel them and think what would they say, what would they do?

I live my life through this person, remembering the important lessons in life that they taught me; still remembering their voice when I need to hear some supportive and encouraging words.

Just because they’re not physically here it does not mean they’ve gone forever.

Like they say in the The Lion King (my favourite Disney movie ever might I add): he lives in you!

Yes, Mufasa is gone but he lives in Simba – he has those memories to cherish and remember which gives him the strength to keep going, and that’s exactly how I try to function without my go to in life.

I keep the memory of this person alive in me every day, to help keep me strong, to help keep my heart happy, and to somewhat help unmuddle my mind.

Living without your go to and a support network isn’t easy, but it’s not impossible.

You just have to flip it, change it, and look at things differently.

Remember: impossible is actually I’m possible, and you are – more than you’ll ever know.

You’ve got this!

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