My mental health: How I recognised something wasn’t quite right

I’m writing this post to support those struggling with their mental health, in the hope of helping others – even if it’s just one person!

Accepting when support was needed for my mental health…

I’m not going to go into the full background of my struggles with mental health, as I merely want to pinpoint a moment where I recognised my usual battles were A LOT harder – signalling that I needed to seek help.

I’ve always struggled with what I thought was low mood as I ride the constant waves of life, with some waves being high and others being extremely low.

During a low period I started having very intrusive thoughts that I thought I could, and at the time DID shake off to begin with.

I kept asking myself: why am I thinking this? What has triggered me to feel this way?

But I knew in the pit of my stomach something wasn’t right. Yet the thing I didn’t know and didn’t suspect was that it was about to get a whole heap worse.

And we’re talking about spiralling in a matter of months.

Unfortunately heartbreaking events in my life took place very shortly after these initial stages of intrusive thoughts, which slowly yet surely upped the intensity of how I was feeling.

I was lower than low.

Things I once enjoyed couldn’t make me happy.

Being my strong smiley self, which I usually always am, just wasn’t happening.

Getting out of bed in the mornings was a struggle.

And waking up to face another day was not something I wanted to continue doing.

Yes, these intrusive, intense suicidal thoughts kicked in hard and fast. It was relentless, a constant daily attack – if you suffer with your mental health you know how draining having a constant battle with your mind is.

It was getting tougher by the day, hour, minute and even second. That little voice in my head told me to go through with it; convincing me it would be quick, easy and the world would be a better place if I wasn’t here anymore.

The thoughts were too much to bear, I just couldn’t cope.

It’s not until the words: I love you were uttered before bedtime one night by my mum during a HARD battle that I thought: no, I can’t do this to my family. There HAS to be another way.

And there was.

A day or so later I sought help and self referred myself for therapy. After a thorough questionnaire and interview process it was confirmed that I had moderate to high depression, and I was to begin Talking Therapies and Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) as part of my journey.

The day of my first face to face therapy session – the filter is a distraction from the fear I truly felt!

It was a long process from there and to cut a long story short, unfortunately therapy didn’t work for me. BUT seeking help DID and I can hand on heart say it saved my life.

For someone who clams up when it comes to their feelings and NEVER likes to ask for help, going to therapy was hands down one of the HARDEST things I had to do.

But I knew I needed to do if for family, loved ones and more importantly for ME.

I know it’s hard but sometimes you need to step out of your comfort zone and recognise when other measures are needed to truly save you.

It’s okay not to be okay, but it’s not okay to suffer alone and convince yourself you’ll just shake it off and it will go away. Some days are harder than others and you need more than just you fighting your corner.

Please reach out, please seek help if you’re struggling and remember you are loved and you are wanted.

More importantly, people like you are NEEDED in this world.

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